Red Tent Party- I refuse to post pictures for this one.

Thanks to the hilarious rants of Regresty, I was regrettably introduced to the concept of a Red Tent Party.
Here's what Urban Dictionary has to say about this (Please note, I'm definitely Bill):

Red Tent Party:
A Red Tent Party (named for the book The Red Tent, which features the Biblical character Dinah) is a party held in honor of a girl's first period. Uterus and period-blood themed food and decorations are appropriate.

Janet: So, my daughter finally got her first visit from Mother Nature last week; now we get to host her Red Tent Party!

Bill: Red Tent Party? What the hell, Janet, that's disgusting, you're one of those ultrafeminist nazi-types, aren't you?

But I think the diatribe from Regresty is much more appropriate, and again, it's hilarious:

http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/25/red-tent-event/

Then I stumbled upon this: Ideas for a Red Tent Party

1. Create a setting: red and pink tablecloths, candles, lights, a circlular and comfortable seating arrangement, ask guests to dress according to your theme (bible or otherwise).

2. Share stories about the girl/woman being celebrated, or your own stories (your first menstruation, your induction into the army, your fears at engagement). Remember she needs to hear not only your positive glorious stories, but also stories about your difficultues as a child and woman.

3. Teach the Basal thermometer method for a woman to know when she is ovulating, or teach good cramp exercises.

4. Massage each other with soothing meditation music in the background.

5. Play some silly games.

6. Share some interesting facts with your guests.

7. Belly-dance! Dress up with scarves and beads and invite an experienced belly-dancer to give instructions and bring good music. See some of our pictures!

My thoughts:

1. I'm pretty sure there is only one theme for these parties: Embarrassment.

2. Let's paint this picture a little better: You are a teen girl. You've just gotten your first period, which may or may not be an awkward/confusing/uncomfortable/exciting/embarrassing/lackluster moment in your life. Your mom has now invited over all the females in your life so she can make a fuss about it and share stories about your ongoing transition into womanhood, AND stories about her first menstruation.

I'm certain with every ounce of my being that I have never regretted not hearing that story from my mom. And what's this about an "army"?

army |ˈärmē| 

noun ( pl. -mies) 

an organized military force equipped for fighting on land

I'm pretty sure bootcamp is a little more involved than simply ovulating for the first time. Who is this army fighting? Hemophobist?

3. Good cramp exercises? Maybe this is part of basic training for their army.

4. No thanks. REALLY no thank you.

5. I am afraid to click that link.

6. See #5.

7. Too obvious. Too expected. Too completely over the top out of control cliched. I know I was a late bloomer and all, but there's no way I'd be caught dead belly dancing with my mom/friends to celebrate my first period at age 15, or 14, or 13, or 12, or or or.