This Exists. That Is All.: Funoodles are old news

I remember when Funoodles first hit the summer pool party scene. All the rage they were, and then once you figured out you could blow water out the end, they were renewed with desirability. So simple, someone made tons of money off those things.

I'm gearing up for my yachting adventure through the British Virgin Islands with a small group of friends this summer. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. This entails bringing along some sort of inflatable water toy/play item, it's THAT kind of trip. I'm really really hoping I get searched at the airport, because I am packing the most ridiculous medley of items. Excited.

In my search, I was expecting the $9.99 silver/multi-colored inflatable lounger and maybe some updated version (colors) of Funoodles, what I discovered was many many more advanced items. Here's a quick overview of my progression:

Water Trampolines: Fun. Excessive. With all the dangers of a regular trampoline, but the added component of drowning if you hurt yourself. They're basically the perfect water toy, but they're heavy and cumbersome and too big to pack. They also start at about $549.

Then there's the $929 Water Teeter Totter: There is absolutely NO WAY that thing is even close to $900 worth of fun. I mean, I can't even think of a way I could use it to hurt myself, unless I tried to tow it behind something moving very fast, or launch someone off one end by jumping on the opposite from somewhere very high. Yup, I'm bored already. I feel bad for those kids, with their bright orange life jackets. You're teenagers, learn how to swim.

Hamster Wheel: I've never taken a cruise because I'm terrorized by the thought of being stuck on a boat day in and day out. It sounds boring, and like I might go stir crazy. We used to sail all over the Northwest with my father too, so I'm not unfamiliar with the concept of being out at sea. This hamster wheel seems like the perfect solution to that problem. I could just run along next to the yacht as we putter from island to island.

But then I saw this version:

And then I found THIS:

The Hydro Bronc.

I've been river rafting, I've been down some serious rapids on the Rogue, rapids you had to get out of the boat and scout, that you couldn't afford to make a mistake on. I can't imagine taking an overgrown presumably floating hamster wheel down any rapids of any size that created any white water.

But I really want one.