Friday
The Maine Lobster Claw Game
I know it's been awhile, but I saw this, and well, it exists, and that is all:
Wednesday
Bacon Ipsum
What's cooler than Hipsters these days? Bacon.
So, not to be left behind... Bacon Ipsum.
Your options include "All Meat" or "Meat and Filler".
Here's the test paragraph I generated, with filler:
Bacon ipsum dolor sit amet ullamco leberkäse aute ut, tongue boudin adipisicing officia ground round pastrami. Bacon pariatur frankfurter, voluptate tenderloin fatback sirloin ut capicola sint flank. Bacon esse excepteur consectetur. Dolore nulla pork loin commodo eu duis, strip steak drumstick sint biltong sausage dolore flank. Pork tenderloin swine aliquip strip steak ad pariatur tempor. Bresaola cillum reprehenderit, tail ut nulla ad beef mollit tempor jowl ham elit enim. Duis prosciutto capicola, fugiat aute culpa bacon proident ex tongue short loin sausage.
So, not to be left behind... Bacon Ipsum.
Your options include "All Meat" or "Meat and Filler".
Here's the test paragraph I generated, with filler:
Bacon ipsum dolor sit amet ullamco leberkäse aute ut, tongue boudin adipisicing officia ground round pastrami. Bacon pariatur frankfurter, voluptate tenderloin fatback sirloin ut capicola sint flank. Bacon esse excepteur consectetur. Dolore nulla pork loin commodo eu duis, strip steak drumstick sint biltong sausage dolore flank. Pork tenderloin swine aliquip strip steak ad pariatur tempor. Bresaola cillum reprehenderit, tail ut nulla ad beef mollit tempor jowl ham elit enim. Duis prosciutto capicola, fugiat aute culpa bacon proident ex tongue short loin sausage.
Monday
Hipster Ipsum
Some of you may have never come across the need for Lorem Ipsum.
<Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. It is used as a placeholder to demonstrate the length and formatting of text to come in layouts, etc.>
<Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. It is used as a placeholder to demonstrate the length and formatting of text to come in layouts, etc.>
But, for those of you who have/do use and see it, and who are likely too cool for the traditional Latin filler I now present to you: Hipster Ipsum.
Yes, someone, who is likely living in the Mission and ironically wearing clothing from a company owned by the Gap, Inc corporation without realizing and at Blue Bottle at 3 pm on a weekday, took the time to create a new filler text generator that will speak to the "I'm too cool for tradition" in each of you.
You get to choose how many paragraphs, and whether you want your Ipsum neat, or dirty (with a touch of Latin).
They're so clever, the "enter" button even says, "Beer Me" instead. It should just say, "Pabst Me" because we all know that hipsters love that cheap shit.
I did a test and asked for three paragraphs, neat. Guess what I saw... PBR, American Apparel, trust fund, "you probably haven't heard of them" (multiple times actually), etsy, jean shorts, helvetica (this one actually made me chuckle), vegan, and a bunch of other shit.
I encourage you to try it yourself, because it seems to make fun of hipsters in its own way, intentional or not. Also, a new game: Hipster Ipsum ordered dirty (mixed with Latin) and try to determine which words are Latin and which words are made up by people who are cooler than you.
If you're super cool, or rather "Know about some underground, next level shit" you can submit a word.
Friday
Bulletproof Skin
Leave it to the Dutch to see a comic turned Hollywood movie such as Spiderman or Superman and bring it to reality (yeah, I don't really know what I mean by that either).
Man of steel? More like -- man of silk. If one Dutch researcher has her way -- Superman won’t be the only one reflecting bullets anymore.
Take a pinch of spider silk, add a splash of goat’s milk and you have the basis for project2.6g 329m/s -- named for weight and velocity of a .22 caliber long rifle bullet. This recipe might sound like a fairy tale concoction, but it’s no hocus pocus -- it’s how you make bulletproof skin.
So -- grab a few goats and let’s get started. io9 says,
“...it starts by having to milk spider-goats. Spider goats are otherwise innocent-looking goats that have been genetically engineered to produce milk packed with the protein made in spider’s silk.”
Once the protein is separated from the goat’s milk, it’s spun into fiber and mixed with human skin cells. Geek.com says -- the material you get is tougher than it sounds.
This is the news I was fed today:
Scientists combine spider silk and goat's milk to create bulletproof human skin.
Scientists combine spider silk and goat's milk to create bulletproof human skin.
Seriously? This is a joke. Right?
Then I watched this video:
Which has this transcript:
Man of steel? More like -- man of silk. If one Dutch researcher has her way -- Superman won’t be the only one reflecting bullets anymore.
Take a pinch of spider silk, add a splash of goat’s milk and you have the basis for project2.6g 329m/s -- named for weight and velocity of a .22 caliber long rifle bullet. This recipe might sound like a fairy tale concoction, but it’s no hocus pocus -- it’s how you make bulletproof skin.
So -- grab a few goats and let’s get started. io9 says,
“...it starts by having to milk spider-goats. Spider goats are otherwise innocent-looking goats that have been genetically engineered to produce milk packed with the protein made in spider’s silk.”
Once the protein is separated from the goat’s milk, it’s spun into fiber and mixed with human skin cells. Geek.com says -- the material you get is tougher than it sounds.
Oookay, I get it, this is a joke, totally, nice, makes sense.
Then I see this:
http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/08/17/breakthrough-bulletproof-human-skin-made-from-spider-silk/
Yeah yeah, ok, I know, insert jokes about the credibility of Fox News here.
But seriously, they're literally simulating all the scenarios we see in movies where scientist start fucking with the genetics of humans and adding the super powers of animals/insects only to have something go terribly awry and next thing you know, NY is on fire, bridges are closed and there are Special Ops teams deploying in helicopters.
This actually sounds really amazing. I hope they try to start making bulletproof humans sooner than later. Maybe there'd finally be some reality on TV that I'd watch!
Thursday
Better Than Grandma's Knitting
Apparently this is a HUGE seller, despite the price, as the seller has had to put people on a wait list that won't start diminishing until December. There is also mention of a matching hat.
A. Matching. Hat.
God what I wouldn't give to see that, walking down the street, in person.
Sometimes Etsy sellers find a gold mine, this is the ONLY item she has listed.
http://www.etsy.com/listing/79386265/custom-made-to-order-star-wars-r2d2
Wednesday
Monday
Soothing and Relaxing Nose Candy?
I never ever failed to be surprised by the desperate measures people take to get high.
I grew up in Oregon. So you want to smoke pot and chill out? Sure, fine, whatever, I don't care.
Then I heard about "whippits" (getting high off the nitrous oxide found in compressed cans, such as whipped cream cans). I immediately decided anyone who did this was a complete moron. It also sounded like a lot of work, so not much pay off. "Juice" ≥ "The Squeeze" people, remember this concept.
Then along came Meth... some desperate and broke crackhead (b/c meth heads didn't exist yet) decided to turn his trailer into a chem lab by combining all the ingredients in his medicine cabinet and his garage that could be potentially toxic, which was basically just sudafed (for his perpetual "cold" from snorting sh*t up his nose) and gasoline, which he siphoned out of his neighbors riding mower.
Viola. A new (and cheap) way to get high. Sounds amazing. This spread like wildfire across some choice cities in America.
<PSA Break: Please Google Image Search: "The Effects of Meth" now.>
Good god people, did you never look at the person selling you this drug and wonder how they came to look like a leading member of the Living Dead Club? I sincerely hope it has one permanent side effect: sterility.
Then, earlier in the year, we posted about Slimming, the new method to go from sober to imbecile in 60s flat, or something like that.
http://thisexiststhatisall.blogspot.com/2011/03/slimming.html
This is all old news, yes, I know. Not to take away from the ludicrous of people's attempts to escape reality to date, but it seems there is a new "meth" raging through the idiots of America.
Bath Salts.
Yup.
You snort them. I really don't have any words, but here's some more info from one chosen recent article about this phenomenon:
The powders often contain mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone, also known as MDPV, and can cause hallucinations, paranoia, rapid heart rates and suicidal thoughts, authorities say.
One man, Neil Brown, of Fulton, Miss., got high off the bath salts and then slashed his face and stomach. He survived, but authorities said other people have not been so lucky.
In Brown's case, he said he had tried every drug from heroin to crack and was so shaken by terrifying hallucinations that he wrote one Mississippi paper urging people to stay away from the advertised bath salts.
I grew up in Oregon. So you want to smoke pot and chill out? Sure, fine, whatever, I don't care.
Then I heard about "whippits" (getting high off the nitrous oxide found in compressed cans, such as whipped cream cans). I immediately decided anyone who did this was a complete moron. It also sounded like a lot of work, so not much pay off. "Juice" ≥ "The Squeeze" people, remember this concept.
Then along came Meth... some desperate and broke crackhead (b/c meth heads didn't exist yet) decided to turn his trailer into a chem lab by combining all the ingredients in his medicine cabinet and his garage that could be potentially toxic, which was basically just sudafed (for his perpetual "cold" from snorting sh*t up his nose) and gasoline, which he siphoned out of his neighbors riding mower.
Viola. A new (and cheap) way to get high. Sounds amazing. This spread like wildfire across some choice cities in America.
<PSA Break: Please Google Image Search: "The Effects of Meth" now.>
Good god people, did you never look at the person selling you this drug and wonder how they came to look like a leading member of the Living Dead Club? I sincerely hope it has one permanent side effect: sterility.
Then, earlier in the year, we posted about Slimming, the new method to go from sober to imbecile in 60s flat, or something like that.
http://thisexiststhatisall.blogspot.com/2011/03/slimming.html
This is all old news, yes, I know. Not to take away from the ludicrous of people's attempts to escape reality to date, but it seems there is a new "meth" raging through the idiots of America.
Bath Salts.
Yup.
You snort them. I really don't have any words, but here's some more info from one chosen recent article about this phenomenon:
The powders often contain mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone, also known as MDPV, and can cause hallucinations, paranoia, rapid heart rates and suicidal thoughts, authorities say.
One man, Neil Brown, of Fulton, Miss., got high off the bath salts and then slashed his face and stomach. He survived, but authorities said other people have not been so lucky.
In Brown's case, he said he had tried every drug from heroin to crack and was so shaken by terrifying hallucinations that he wrote one Mississippi paper urging people to stay away from the advertised bath salts.
"It causes intense cravings for it. They'll binge on it three or four days before they show up in an ER. Even though it's a horrible trip, they want to do it again and again," Ryan said.
This Mr. Brown sounds like a real expert, I'd probably heed his warning if I were an ignorant teen in the mid-west, but since it seems like most are not, and according to Dr. Ryan, they're actually going back for more, despite it's very very high risk of DEATH.
What's my take? Let them snort bath salts. Sounds like a cheap and affective way to weed out the population at $20 a pop.
Thursday
This is the scariest effin' thing I've seen in a long long time.
I can't begin to verbalize how disturbing I find this, so I'll just show you:
Are you asking WTF?! yet? You should be.
These are masks you can buy from an artist's company called http://hyperflesh.com/. They run about $250 each, but are handcrafted.
Here are your three lovely options:
Are you asking WTF?! yet? You should be.
These are masks you can buy from an artist's company called http://hyperflesh.com/. They run about $250 each, but are handcrafted.
Here are your three lovely options:
Disgusted Baby:
Happy Baby:
Cry Baby:
He also has some youtube videos, but I can't bring myself to post them. They all look like Psycho Baby to me.
Saturday
Canoe Dancing
I heard about this at breakfast this morning, and I was really hoping that it was more entertaining! I guess Stephen Colbert decided that America needs to get behind the next big sport....Canoe Dancing. He will be the only reason that more than 15 people know about it. This is quite possibly the most boring sport to watch. I was envisioning people flailing their arms and legs about while standing in the canoe together, balancing on the edge and moving it around in sync. You can imagine my disappointment when this is what I found.
Thursday
More Notable Floatables
Yes, that's a floating Futon. These had to be invented by a college student, a genius college student. Prices range from $159 - $249, but hey, they're still cheaper than those "Cum-Lamps".
That joke would never get old.
Funoodles are old news
I remember when Funoodles first hit the summer pool party scene. All the rage they were, and then once you figured out you could blow water out the end, they were renewed with desirability. So simple, someone made tons of money off those things.
I'm gearing up for my yachting adventure through the British Virgin Islands with a small group of friends this summer. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. This entails bringing along some sort of inflatable water toy/play item, it's THAT kind of trip. I'm really really hoping I get searched at the airport, because I am packing the most ridiculous medley of items. Excited.
In my search, I was expecting the $9.99 silver/multi-colored inflatable lounger and maybe some updated version (colors) of Funoodles, what I discovered was many many more advanced items. Here's a quick overview of my progression:
Water Trampolines: Fun. Excessive. With all the dangers of a regular trampoline, but the added component of drowning if you hurt yourself. They're basically the perfect water toy, but they're heavy and cumbersome and too big to pack. They also start at about $549.
Then there's the $929 Water Teeter Totter: There is absolutely NO WAY that thing is even close to $900 worth of fun. I mean, I can't even think of a way I could use it to hurt myself, unless I tried to tow it behind something moving very fast, or launch someone off one end by jumping on the opposite from somewhere very high. Yup, I'm bored already. I feel bad for those kids, with their bright orange life jackets. You're teenagers, learn how to swim.
Hamster Wheel: I've never taken a cruise because I'm terrorized by the thought of being stuck on a boat day in and day out. It sounds boring, and like I might go stir crazy. We used to sail all over the Northwest with my father too, so I'm not unfamiliar with the concept of being out at sea. This hamster wheel seems like the perfect solution to that problem. I could just run along next to the yacht as we putter from island to island.
But then I saw this version:
"You can also play interactive games such as water bumpers, soccer, races etc. Two or more is twice the FUN!"
I'm gearing up for my yachting adventure through the British Virgin Islands with a small group of friends this summer. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. This entails bringing along some sort of inflatable water toy/play item, it's THAT kind of trip. I'm really really hoping I get searched at the airport, because I am packing the most ridiculous medley of items. Excited.
In my search, I was expecting the $9.99 silver/multi-colored inflatable lounger and maybe some updated version (colors) of Funoodles, what I discovered was many many more advanced items. Here's a quick overview of my progression:
Water Trampolines: Fun. Excessive. With all the dangers of a regular trampoline, but the added component of drowning if you hurt yourself. They're basically the perfect water toy, but they're heavy and cumbersome and too big to pack. They also start at about $549.
Then there's the $929 Water Teeter Totter: There is absolutely NO WAY that thing is even close to $900 worth of fun. I mean, I can't even think of a way I could use it to hurt myself, unless I tried to tow it behind something moving very fast, or launch someone off one end by jumping on the opposite from somewhere very high. Yup, I'm bored already. I feel bad for those kids, with their bright orange life jackets. You're teenagers, learn how to swim.
But then I saw this version:
And then I found THIS:
The Hydro Bronc.
I've been river rafting, I've been down some serious rapids on the Rogue, rapids you had to get out of the boat and scout, that you couldn't afford to make a mistake on. I can't imagine taking an overgrown presumably floating hamster wheel down any rapids of any size that created any white water.
But I really want one.
The website tells me this:
"You can also play interactive games such as water bumpers, soccer, races etc. Two or more is twice the FUN!"
Hear that? TWICE the fun. Ok, I want two. Also, did they say soccer?
I believe my search is complete.
Wednesday
Something Ridiculous I Would Use
Normally I chide anyone who would be so naive to buy into these things.
What the ab-vac has going for it is my OCD clean mother, who also has a six pack at age 58.
So, shamefully I admit, I would use this. Because working out and cleaning my floors simultaneously is actually very appealing and efficient.
If someone bought this for me as a joke, I would chuckle with the rest of them at the audaciousness of society to create such an item, and then... then I would go home and get my ab-vac on, while watching Burn Notice.Don't believe me? I'll post a video of myself ab-vacuuming if someone can track down this piece of informercial genius for me.
Don't forget to get the bundle with the Ab-Sweep for free.
http://www.ezupa.com/abvac/
(Special thanks to James for this gem)
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6730499089023977339#
Monday
Hot Doll
"The 1st Sex Toy and Companion for your dog."
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY!?
Oh, and it's 149.00 Euros.
Yeah, that is all.
http://hotdollfordog.com/
Friday
Canned Meat
As disgusting as SPAM® is, this post is not about that mystery meat I've loathed my whole life, because quite frankly, SPAM® is old news. Old, disgusting, mashed up, unidentifiable news.There is a new canned meat out there to make me puke in my mouth just a little...
Chicken In A Can.
A whole chicken, in a can, fully cooked.
Puke In My Mouth.
Sweet Sue, there is nothing good or home-stlye about your canned chicken. It looks like the robot from The Jetsons is giving birth to the thing from Alien.
Oh dear god.
Thursday
We live in a crazy universe, inside our heads (and out)
This is just kind of awesome and makes me get all reflective and stuff... man, this world/universe/life is amazing.
I have the best friends who send me all kinds of interesting stuff. Thanks to Jeff for this one.
http://sharerimg.com/p/14620.html
I have the best friends who send me all kinds of interesting stuff. Thanks to Jeff for this one.
http://sharerimg.com/p/14620.html
Wednesday
Bee Dogs
Do you remember the first time you discovered the concept of fetishes, like a foot fetish or furries, and you thought, wow, there are people out there who are really into (fill in random fetish here)? <mind momentarily blown>
"Beedogs.com is the premier online repository for pictures of..."
I had that moment this morning, when I came across this:
I refrained from posting any pics because I didn't want to ruin it for you, but I will give you this quote:
Don't worry, this is safe for work.
Tuesday
Honey Badger
Yes, this has been ALL around Facebook and YouTube, but is it AWESOME. The Honey Badger really does exist and is seriously a "badass" who "doesn't give a shit".
Red Tent Party Part 2
Not to focus too much on this, but...
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/01/20/at-your-cervix/
"It's a pinata - SHAPED LIKE A UTERUS! It's great for baby showers, or Red Tent parties (daughter's first period) or even hysterectomy parties?"
THAT, my friends, is all.
"It's a pinata - SHAPED LIKE A UTERUS! It's great for baby showers, or Red Tent parties (daughter's first period) or even hysterectomy parties?"
THAT, my friends, is all.
Monday
Regretsy
Regretsy is the best site I have read in a while! It is about all the random crap that people post on Etsy. "Where DIY meets WTF" I am slow to find this as it has been around for a while. But this is worth posting even if there is only one out of our two readers that haven't heard of this site. Our last post is from their site, along with this one.
The 5 Worst Things I’ve Seen on Etsy This Month
The 5 Worst Things I’ve Seen on Etsy This Month
Red Tent Party- I refuse to post pictures for this one.
Thanks to the hilarious rants of Regresty, I was regrettably introduced to the concept of a Red Tent Party.
Here's what Urban Dictionary has to say about this (Please note, I'm definitely Bill):
Red Tent Party:
A Red Tent Party (named for the book The Red Tent, which features the Biblical character Dinah) is a party held in honor of a girl's first period. Uterus and period-blood themed food and decorations are appropriate.
Janet: So, my daughter finally got her first visit from Mother Nature last week; now we get to host her Red Tent Party!
Bill: Red Tent Party? What the hell, Janet, that's disgusting, you're one of those ultrafeminist nazi-types, aren't you?
But I think the diatribe from Regresty is much more appropriate, and again, it's hilarious:
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/25/red-tent-event/
Then I stumbled upon this: Ideas for a Red Tent Party
1. Create a setting: red and pink tablecloths, candles, lights, a circlular and comfortable seating arrangement, ask guests to dress according to your theme (bible or otherwise).
My thoughts:
I'm pretty sure bootcamp is a little more involved than simply ovulating for the first time. Who is this army fighting? Hemophobist?
3. Good cramp exercises? Maybe this is part of basic training for their army.
4. No thanks. REALLY no thank you.
Here's what Urban Dictionary has to say about this (Please note, I'm definitely Bill):
Red Tent Party:
A Red Tent Party (named for the book The Red Tent, which features the Biblical character Dinah) is a party held in honor of a girl's first period. Uterus and period-blood themed food and decorations are appropriate.
Janet: So, my daughter finally got her first visit from Mother Nature last week; now we get to host her Red Tent Party!
Bill: Red Tent Party? What the hell, Janet, that's disgusting, you're one of those ultrafeminist nazi-types, aren't you?
But I think the diatribe from Regresty is much more appropriate, and again, it's hilarious:
http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/25/red-tent-event/
Then I stumbled upon this: Ideas for a Red Tent Party
1. Create a setting: red and pink tablecloths, candles, lights, a circlular and comfortable seating arrangement, ask guests to dress according to your theme (bible or otherwise).
2. Share stories about the girl/woman being celebrated, or your own stories (your first menstruation, your induction into the army, your fears at engagement). Remember she needs to hear not only your positive glorious stories, but also stories about your difficultues as a child and woman.
3. Teach the Basal thermometer method for a woman to know when she is ovulating, or teach good cramp exercises.
4. Massage each other with soothing meditation music in the background.
5. Play some silly games.
6. Share some interesting facts with your guests.
7. Belly-dance! Dress up with scarves and beads and invite an experienced belly-dancer to give instructions and bring good music. See some of our pictures!
3. Teach the Basal thermometer method for a woman to know when she is ovulating, or teach good cramp exercises.
4. Massage each other with soothing meditation music in the background.
5. Play some silly games.
6. Share some interesting facts with your guests.
7. Belly-dance! Dress up with scarves and beads and invite an experienced belly-dancer to give instructions and bring good music. See some of our pictures!
My thoughts:
1. I'm pretty sure there is only one theme for these parties: Embarrassment.
2. Let's paint this picture a little better: You are a teen girl. You've just gotten your first period, which may or may not be an awkward/confusing/uncomfortable/exciting/embarrassing/lackluster moment in your life. Your mom has now invited over all the females in your life so she can make a fuss about it and share stories about your ongoing transition into womanhood, AND stories about her first menstruation.
I'm certain with every ounce of my being that I have never regretted not hearing that story from my mom. And what's this about an "army"?
army |ˈärmē|
noun ( pl. -mies)
an organized military force equipped for fighting on land3. Good cramp exercises? Maybe this is part of basic training for their army.
4. No thanks. REALLY no thank you.
5. I am afraid to click that link.
6. See #5.
7. Too obvious. Too expected. Too completely over the top out of control cliched. I know I was a late bloomer and all, but there's no way I'd be caught dead belly dancing with my mom/friends to celebrate my first period at age 15, or 14, or 13, or 12, or or or.
7. Too obvious. Too expected. Too completely over the top out of control cliched. I know I was a late bloomer and all, but there's no way I'd be caught dead belly dancing with my mom/friends to celebrate my first period at age 15, or 14, or 13, or 12, or or or.
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