Bacon Ipsum

What's cooler than Hipsters these days? Bacon.
So, not to be left behind... Bacon Ipsum.

Your options include "All Meat" or "Meat and Filler".

Here's the test paragraph I generated, with filler:

Bacon ipsum dolor sit amet ullamco leberkäse aute ut, tongue boudin adipisicing officia ground round pastrami. Bacon pariatur frankfurter, voluptate tenderloin fatback sirloin ut capicola sint flank. Bacon esse excepteur consectetur. Dolore nulla pork loin commodo eu duis, strip steak drumstick sint biltong sausage dolore flank. Pork tenderloin swine aliquip strip steak ad pariatur tempor. Bresaola cillum reprehenderit, tail ut nulla ad beef mollit tempor jowl ham elit enim. Duis prosciutto capicola, fugiat aute culpa bacon proident ex tongue short loin sausage.

Hipster Ipsum

Some of you may have never come across the need for Lorem Ipsum.

<Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry. It is used as a placeholder to demonstrate the length and formatting of text to come in layouts, etc.>

But, for those of you who have/do use and see it, and who are likely too cool for the traditional Latin filler I now present to you: Hipster Ipsum.

Yes, someone, who is likely living in the Mission and ironically wearing clothing from a company owned by the Gap, Inc corporation without realizing and at Blue Bottle at 3 pm on a weekday, took the time to create a new filler text generator that will speak to the "I'm too cool for tradition" in each of you.

http://hipsteripsum.me/

You get to choose how many paragraphs, and whether you want your Ipsum neat, or dirty (with a touch of Latin).

They're so clever, the "enter" button even says, "Beer Me" instead. It should just say, "Pabst Me" because we all know that hipsters love that cheap shit.

I did a test and asked for three paragraphs, neat. Guess what I saw... PBR, American Apparel, trust fund, "you probably haven't heard of them" (multiple times actually), etsy, jean shorts, helvetica (this one actually made me chuckle), vegan, and a bunch of other shit.

I encourage you to try it yourself, because it seems to make fun of hipsters in its own way, intentional or not. Also, a new game: Hipster Ipsum ordered dirty (mixed with Latin) and try to determine which words are Latin and which words are made up by people who are cooler than you.

If you're super cool, or rather "Know about some underground, next level shit" you can submit a word.

Bulletproof Skin

Leave it to the Dutch to see a comic turned Hollywood movie such as Spiderman or Superman and bring it to reality (yeah, I don't really know what I mean by that either).

This is the news I was fed today:
Scientists combine spider silk and goat's milk to create bulletproof human skin.

Seriously? This is a joke. Right?

Then I watched this video:

http://www.newsy.com/videos/researchers-create-bulletproof-skin/

Which has this transcript:

Man of steel? More like -- man of silk. If one Dutch researcher has her way -- Superman won’t be the only one reflecting bullets anymore.

Take a pinch of spider silk, add a splash of goat’s milk and you have the basis for project2.6g 329m/s -- named for weight and velocity of a .22 caliber long rifle bullet. This recipe might sound like a fairy tale concoction, but it’s no hocus pocus -- it’s how you make bulletproof skin.

So -- grab a few goats and let’s get started. io9 says,

“...it starts by having to milk spider-goats. Spider goats are otherwise innocent-looking goats that have been genetically engineered to produce milk packed with the protein made in spider’s silk.”

Once the protein is separated from the goat’s milk, it’s spun into fiber and mixed with human skin cells. Geek.com says -- the material you get is tougher than it sounds.

Oookay, I get it, this is a joke, totally, nice, makes sense.

Then I see this:

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/08/17/breakthrough-bulletproof-human-skin-made-from-spider-silk/

Yeah yeah, ok, I know, insert jokes about the credibility of Fox News here.

But seriously, they're literally simulating all the scenarios we see in movies where scientist start fucking with the genetics of humans and adding the super powers of animals/insects only to have something go terribly awry and next thing you know, NY is on fire, bridges are closed and there are Special Ops teams deploying in helicopters.

This actually sounds really amazing. I hope they try to start making bulletproof humans sooner than later. Maybe there'd finally be some reality on TV that I'd watch!

Better Than Grandma's Knitting

I may not like Star Trek, but I'm definitely a Star Wars fan, and this handmade R2D2 sweater is pretty epic. Even if it is $450.

Apparently this is a HUGE seller, despite the price, as the seller has had to put people on a wait list that won't start diminishing until December. There is also mention of a matching hat.

A. Matching. Hat.

God what I wouldn't give to see that, walking down the street, in person.

Sometimes Etsy sellers find a gold mine, this is the ONLY item she has listed.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/79386265/custom-made-to-order-star-wars-r2d2

Vulcan Hi

I'm not a Trekki or whatever they're called, but I have to give props. This hoodie is the shit.

I believe you can be cool too here.

Soothing and Relaxing Nose Candy?

I never ever failed to be surprised by the desperate measures people take to get high.

I grew up in Oregon. So you want to smoke pot and chill out? Sure, fine, whatever, I don't care.

Then I heard about "whippits" (getting high off the nitrous oxide found in compressed cans, such as whipped cream cans). I immediately decided anyone who did this was a complete moron. It also sounded like a lot of work, so not much pay off. "Juice" ≥ "The Squeeze" people, remember this concept.

Then along came Meth... some desperate and broke crackhead (b/c meth heads didn't exist yet) decided to turn his trailer into a chem lab by combining all the ingredients in his medicine cabinet and his garage that could be potentially toxic, which was basically just sudafed (for his perpetual "cold" from snorting sh*t up his nose) and gasoline, which he siphoned out of his neighbors riding mower.
Viola. A new (and cheap) way to get high. Sounds amazing. This spread like wildfire across some choice cities in America.

<PSA Break: Please Google Image Search: "The Effects of Meth" now.>

Good god people, did you never look at the person selling you this drug and wonder how they came to look like a leading member of the Living Dead Club? I sincerely hope it has one permanent side effect: sterility.

Then, earlier in the year, we posted about Slimming, the new method to go from sober to imbecile in 60s flat, or something like that.

http://thisexiststhatisall.blogspot.com/2011/03/slimming.html

This is all old news, yes, I know. Not to take away from the ludicrous of people's attempts to escape reality to date, but it seems there is a new "meth" raging through the idiots of America.

Bath Salts.
Yup.
You snort them. I really don't have any words, but here's some more info from one chosen recent article about this phenomenon:

The powders often contain mephedrone and methylenedioxypyrovalerone, also known as MDPV, and can cause hallucinations, paranoia, rapid heart rates and suicidal thoughts, authorities say.

One man, Neil Brown, of Fulton, Miss., got high off the bath salts and then slashed his face and stomach. He survived, but authorities said other people have not been so lucky.

In Brown's case, he said he had tried every drug from heroin to crack and was so shaken by terrifying hallucinations that he wrote one Mississippi paper urging people to stay away from the advertised bath salts.

"It causes intense cravings for it. They'll binge on it three or four days before they show up in an ER. Even though it's a horrible trip, they want to do it again and again," Ryan said.

This Mr. Brown sounds like a real expert, I'd probably heed his warning if I were an ignorant teen in the mid-west, but since it seems like most are not, and according to Dr. Ryan, they're actually going back for more, despite it's very very high risk of DEATH.

What's my take? Let them snort bath salts. Sounds like a cheap and affective way to weed out the population at $20 a pop.

This is the scariest effin' thing I've seen in a long long time.

I can't begin to verbalize how disturbing I find this, so I'll just show you:

Are you asking WTF?! yet? You should be.
These are masks you can buy from an artist's company called http://hyperflesh.com/. They run about $250 each, but are handcrafted.
Here are your three lovely options:

Disgusted Baby:

Happy Baby:

Cry Baby:

He also has some youtube videos, but I can't bring myself to post them. They all look like Psycho Baby to me.

Canoe Dancing

I heard about this at breakfast this morning, and I was really hoping that it was more entertaining! I guess Stephen Colbert decided that America needs to get behind the next big sport....Canoe Dancing. He will be the only reason that more than 15 people know about it. This is quite possibly the most boring sport to watch. I was envisioning people flailing their arms and legs about while standing in the canoe together, balancing on the edge and moving it around in sync. You can imagine my disappointment when this is what I found.

More Notable Floatables

A skinny girl riding a white swan... wasn't this a big movie last year?

$1000 "Cum-Lamps"... makes me kinda happy I wasn't born rich.

Yes, that's a floating Futon. These had to be invented by a college student, a genius college student. Prices range from $159 - $249, but hey, they're still cheaper than those "Cum-Lamps".

Honestly, I have never seen a more miserable lab, and labs love water, and that floating piece of misery is $129.50.

Does anyone else think this looks just a little too close for comfort and those smiles are a mix of "cheese" and "alright, get me out of this thing already, someone keeps kicking me."

"It's cool, you can sit on my face."
That joke would never get old.

Why do I keep seeing a trailer park in my head?

Funoodles are old news

I remember when Funoodles first hit the summer pool party scene. All the rage they were, and then once you figured out you could blow water out the end, they were renewed with desirability. So simple, someone made tons of money off those things.

I'm gearing up for my yachting adventure through the British Virgin Islands with a small group of friends this summer. Yes, I just wrote that sentence. This entails bringing along some sort of inflatable water toy/play item, it's THAT kind of trip. I'm really really hoping I get searched at the airport, because I am packing the most ridiculous medley of items. Excited.

In my search, I was expecting the $9.99 silver/multi-colored inflatable lounger and maybe some updated version (colors) of Funoodles, what I discovered was many many more advanced items. Here's a quick overview of my progression:

Water Trampolines: Fun. Excessive. With all the dangers of a regular trampoline, but the added component of drowning if you hurt yourself. They're basically the perfect water toy, but they're heavy and cumbersome and too big to pack. They also start at about $549.

Then there's the $929 Water Teeter Totter: There is absolutely NO WAY that thing is even close to $900 worth of fun. I mean, I can't even think of a way I could use it to hurt myself, unless I tried to tow it behind something moving very fast, or launch someone off one end by jumping on the opposite from somewhere very high. Yup, I'm bored already. I feel bad for those kids, with their bright orange life jackets. You're teenagers, learn how to swim.

Hamster Wheel: I've never taken a cruise because I'm terrorized by the thought of being stuck on a boat day in and day out. It sounds boring, and like I might go stir crazy. We used to sail all over the Northwest with my father too, so I'm not unfamiliar with the concept of being out at sea. This hamster wheel seems like the perfect solution to that problem. I could just run along next to the yacht as we putter from island to island.

But then I saw this version:

And then I found THIS:

The Hydro Bronc.

I've been river rafting, I've been down some serious rapids on the Rogue, rapids you had to get out of the boat and scout, that you couldn't afford to make a mistake on. I can't imagine taking an overgrown presumably floating hamster wheel down any rapids of any size that created any white water.

But I really want one.

The website tells me this:

"You can also play interactive games such as water bumpers, soccer, races etc. Two or more is twice the FUN!"

Hear that? TWICE the fun. Ok, I want two. Also, did they say soccer?

 http://www.iklient.com/projects/krazywater/bronc.htm

I believe my search is complete.

Something Ridiculous I Would Use

Normally I abhor these silly workout things.
Normally I chide anyone who would be so naive to buy into these things.

What the ab-vac has going for it is my OCD clean mother, who also has a six pack at age 58.

So, shamefully I admit, I would use this. Because working out and cleaning my floors simultaneously is actually very appealing and efficient.

If someone bought this for me as a joke, I would chuckle with the rest of them at the audaciousness of society to create such an item, and then... then I would go home and get my ab-vac on, while watching Burn Notice.

Don't believe me? I'll post a video of myself ab-vacuuming if someone can track down this piece of informercial genius for me.

Don't forget to get the bundle with the Ab-Sweep for free.

http://www.ezupa.com/abvac/

(Special thanks to James for this gem)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6730499089023977339#

Hot Doll

The Hot Doll, for dogs.

"The 1st Sex Toy and Companion for your dog."

Seriously.

SERIOUSLY!?

Oh, and it's 149.00 Euros.

Yeah, that is all.

http://hotdollfordog.com/

Canned Meat

As disgusting as SPAM® is, this post is not about that mystery meat I've loathed my whole life, because quite frankly, SPAM® is old news. Old, disgusting, mashed up, unidentifiable news.

There is a new canned meat out there to make me puke in my mouth just a little...

Chicken In A Can.
A whole chicken, in a can, fully cooked.
Puke In My Mouth.

Sweet Sue, there is nothing good or home-stlye about your canned chicken. It looks like the robot from The Jetsons is giving birth to the thing from Alien.

People eat this.
Oh dear god.

We live in a crazy universe, inside our heads (and out)

This is just kind of awesome and makes me get all reflective and stuff... man, this world/universe/life is amazing.

I have the best friends who send me all kinds of interesting stuff. Thanks to Jeff for this one.

http://sharerimg.com/p/14620.html

Bee Dogs

Do you remember the first time you discovered the concept of fetishes, like a foot fetish or furries, and you thought, wow, there are people out there who are really into (fill in random fetish here)? <mind momentarily blown>

I had that moment this morning, when I came across this:

http://www.beedogs.com/

I refrained from posting any pics because I didn't want to ruin it for you, but I will give you this quote:

"Beedogs.com is the premier online repository for pictures of..."

Don't worry, this is safe for work.

Honey Badger

Yes, this has been ALL around Facebook and YouTube, but is it AWESOME. The Honey Badger really does exist and is seriously a "badass" who "doesn't give a shit".

Red Tent Party Part 2

Not to focus too much on this, but...

http://www.regretsy.com/2011/01/20/at-your-cervix/

"It's a pinata - SHAPED LIKE A UTERUS! It's great for baby showers, or Red Tent parties (daughter's first period) or even hysterectomy parties?"

THAT, my friends, is all.

Regretsy

Regretsy is the best site I have read in a while! It is about all the random crap that people post on Etsy. "Where DIY meets WTF" I am slow to find this as it has been around for a while. But this is worth posting even if there is only one out of our two readers that haven't heard of this site. Our last post is from their site, along with this one.
The 5 Worst Things I’ve Seen on Etsy This Month

Red Tent Party- I refuse to post pictures for this one.

Thanks to the hilarious rants of Regresty, I was regrettably introduced to the concept of a Red Tent Party.
Here's what Urban Dictionary has to say about this (Please note, I'm definitely Bill):

Red Tent Party:
A Red Tent Party (named for the book The Red Tent, which features the Biblical character Dinah) is a party held in honor of a girl's first period. Uterus and period-blood themed food and decorations are appropriate.

Janet: So, my daughter finally got her first visit from Mother Nature last week; now we get to host her Red Tent Party!

Bill: Red Tent Party? What the hell, Janet, that's disgusting, you're one of those ultrafeminist nazi-types, aren't you?

But I think the diatribe from Regresty is much more appropriate, and again, it's hilarious:

http://www.regretsy.com/2011/03/25/red-tent-event/

Then I stumbled upon this: Ideas for a Red Tent Party

1. Create a setting: red and pink tablecloths, candles, lights, a circlular and comfortable seating arrangement, ask guests to dress according to your theme (bible or otherwise).

2. Share stories about the girl/woman being celebrated, or your own stories (your first menstruation, your induction into the army, your fears at engagement). Remember she needs to hear not only your positive glorious stories, but also stories about your difficultues as a child and woman.

3. Teach the Basal thermometer method for a woman to know when she is ovulating, or teach good cramp exercises.

4. Massage each other with soothing meditation music in the background.

5. Play some silly games.

6. Share some interesting facts with your guests.

7. Belly-dance! Dress up with scarves and beads and invite an experienced belly-dancer to give instructions and bring good music. See some of our pictures!

My thoughts:

1. I'm pretty sure there is only one theme for these parties: Embarrassment.

2. Let's paint this picture a little better: You are a teen girl. You've just gotten your first period, which may or may not be an awkward/confusing/uncomfortable/exciting/embarrassing/lackluster moment in your life. Your mom has now invited over all the females in your life so she can make a fuss about it and share stories about your ongoing transition into womanhood, AND stories about her first menstruation.

I'm certain with every ounce of my being that I have never regretted not hearing that story from my mom. And what's this about an "army"?

army |ˈärmē| 

noun ( pl. -mies) 

an organized military force equipped for fighting on land

I'm pretty sure bootcamp is a little more involved than simply ovulating for the first time. Who is this army fighting? Hemophobist?

3. Good cramp exercises? Maybe this is part of basic training for their army.

4. No thanks. REALLY no thank you.

5. I am afraid to click that link.

6. See #5.

7. Too obvious. Too expected. Too completely over the top out of control cliched. I know I was a late bloomer and all, but there's no way I'd be caught dead belly dancing with my mom/friends to celebrate my first period at age 15, or 14, or 13, or 12, or or or.

It's not quite Furries

Maybe it's Slipperies?

Aqua Tails sells mermaid tails for humans to swim around in, and to pose a la Arial on beaches and rocks and what not, only it's really really creepy.

http://aquatails.com/

The simplest and cheapest "monofins" start at $159.99.
"For the serious mermaider" they have "realistic" tails for $599.99.

I'm confused over the use of the word "realistic" here.
realistic |ˌrēəˈlistik|
adjective
representing familiar things in a way that is accurate or true to life : a realistic human drama.

Does this mean mermaids are actually real?
Don't forget to complete your look with something from their "Sea Form & Jewels" section.

And then there's the very perplexing existence of this:

http://www.dailydealster.com/

I can't imagine why they'd ever be on sale. Where's the Groupon for this? I'm gonna hurry and get mine before the 2 day discount expires.

its BACON

I don't eat Bacon. I don't eat swine. To quote a great movie (yes, I quote movies):

"Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals."

I do happen to live pigs, I just don't eat them. Despite that, my friends have sufficiently exposed me to the love affair many engage in with Bacon.

So here is some RIDICULOUS Bacon paraphernalia that actually exists out there, and I just don't understand...

The Bacon Lamp, for a warm meaty glow:



http://www.etsy.com/listing/52957774/love-me-some-bacon-lamp?ref=sc_3

Bacon Flavored Envelopes. Not recommended for dog owners, unless you WANT your dog to eat your mail.

http://mmmvelopes.com/


Bacon Bandages, Bacon Mints, Bacon Air Freshener, Bacon Lip Gloss, Bacon Toothpaste, Bacon Floss, Bacon Lollipop, Bacon Gum, Bacon Toothpicks... and that's just some of the edibles, there are wearables as well.

Bacon BS

For the real bacon die hards, you can stay abreast of all things bacon on a daily basis with the iBacon App, and get updates like Bakon Booze and Bacon cologne.

http://g-monkeyproductions.com/iBacon.html

None of this has made me want to eat bacon.

Whips and Chains and Finger Puppets excite me...

Yes, That finger puppet is peeing on it's counterpart. Not joking.
That's really all I have to say about these.

Oh, but you can get the entire set for $10.
Purchasing and more photos here:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/73154681/mature-content-dirty-finger-puppets-gift

Toto

Toto is not a dog. I'm sure you thought it was at first glace though.
Toto is a toilet. A very smart toilet.
Toto checks your health, much like a Physician's Assistant, in your bathroom.

Deemed the "Intelligence Toilet" system, Toto analyzes your urine, taken straight from the bowl, then you take your blood pressure with a nearby monitor (suggest doing this AFTER you're done on the pot), then you weigh yourself on "a set of scales" in front of your sink, and measure your BMI (body mass index), AFTER you wash your hands of course.

This data all gets compiled onto a spreadsheet and transferred to your home network, which you can then email to your doctor, without ever having to bend forward, turn your head, or coughing.

http://www.newlaunches.com/archives/intelligence_toilet_ii_analyzes_urine_for_diagnostics.php

http://articles.cnn.com/2005-06-28/tech/spark.toilet_1_toilet-toto-bathroom?_s=PM:TECH


Of course this toilet is from Japan. Those Japanese, they make so many terribly awesome-bizarre-ridiculous-ingenious-worthless things. But this isn't the End All Be All of toilet technology. There are so many "high tech" toilets that I couldn't even begin to sort through a list of them to post, but for those who have a few extra thousand dollars laying around to spend on a new porcelain throne, this is a good place to start:

http://www.damninteresting.com/modern-movements-in-toilet-technology

SEAL dog

I'm on a dog kick, I know, but with the number of dog related things friends/family send me, it's a wonder this site doesn't have a weekly dog post.

It's been brought to my attention that the recent mission on Osama Bin Laden was aided by a dog. A SEAL dog, as in Navy SEALs. The dog's identity, like the other members of the team, has been kept anonymous, but he's out there, somewhere...

Here's some highlights and articles from info about these SEAL dogs:

Many SEAL dogs come equipped with "titanium fangs capable of ripping through enemy protective armor," at a cost of "about $2,000 a tooth."

Military K-9s have even been known to be outfitted in camouflaged bulletproof armor and given high-tech, infrared nightsight cameras complete with camera systems. (These gadgets cost about 20 grand each.)

A bulletproof titanium fanged super sensing soldier? He has four legs, but he exists.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/05/belgian-malinois-dog-osama-bin-laden_n_858050.html

http://petsadviser.com/service-animal/bin-laden-dog-navy-seals-k9/

http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2011/05/04/war_dog?page=0,0

Hot Dogs

Anyone who knows me, knows I'm obsessed with dogs. So my friends commonly send me dog related things. Here are a few of my recent favorites, on opposite ends of the "online video" spectrum...

Fire at your fingertips

Ok, maybe not fingertips, but wrists:
Lighter Cufflinks. Limited Edition of course.

"Includes two silver lighter cufflinks that actually produce a flame when lighter fluid is added. Yes, this is happening."

Their description is comical in it's own right. They know how ridiculous this is, and they love it.

"Your cufflinks: more than adequate for fastening shirtsleeves.
Not as useful when you need a light.

Which brings us to these miniature lighter cufflinks, the ideal combination of a simple, elegant garment accessory and an open flame.

They’re silver, they work with a Charvet, and they actually function as fluid-operated cigarette lighters. The idea is simple: put on shirt, fasten links and make the acquaintance of the woman with the pack of Dunhills and an expectant look on her face. Remove links and offer up a light.

Then wait for sparks to fly."

http://perks.urbandaddy.com/national/lighter-cufflinks.html

http://www.yougneek.com/shop/

Modern Toilet Restaurant

This solidifies the notion that Asians like weird shit (literally I guess). I can say that because I am Asian. Modern Toilet Restaurant is a chain restaurant (we'll get to the "chain" part in a second) where you sit on toilets while you enjoy your food out of mini toilets, urinals, or squatters and consume things like clear yellow soup and brown ice cream. That is just weird. So of course it caught on and has become a successful Taiwan chain of over 12 restaurants.??!!!

Pushing Personal Limits

This guy ran home after his race. No big deal right? 

Only, he ran home after completing his FIRST marathon in only 3 hours and 45 minutes.

Oh, and his home was 99 miles away!

He ran 125 miles in 29 hours, that's approx a 13 min/mile pace.

Why?

To raise money for the UK Epilepsy Society, as he's suffered from the condition since he was a teen. How much did he raise? $5,000.

That's it?!?

Would any of you run 125 miles for $5,000? How about if you didn't even keep the money?

He exists, and he's awesome.

http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/blog/fourth_place_medal/post/Man-runs-99-miles-home-after-completing-London-M?urn=oly-wp125

Booty Bras

I really really wish this were a joke.
It is not.
Booty Bras. Bum Lifters. Padded Panties. Butt and Hip Pads.
This exploration went from funny to disturbing real quick. And that was before I saw the "For The Men" section.

I tried really hard to post one of the men's shapewear images, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. They were all too disturbing. If you're cursed with morbid curiosity, you can browse for yourself here:

http://www.lovemybubbles.com/land-mens-shapewear.shtml

I'm concerned with our society. What are we doing that wearing full blown body metamorphosing undergarments is seemingly a growing trend. Guys, what on earth would you do if you went home with your girl only to unwrap a complex system of lifters and shapers and pads and god knows what else. Maybe it's the hippy in me, but I think fake hair, eyelashes, and nails are bad enough, now we have to contort our bodies with fake curves from head to toe as well?

While I know push up and padded bras have been around for decades, I'll say this: you can't change the shape/size of your breasts through eating healthy or working out. So for those who are not willing to undergo the knife to alter their natural breast size, a bra can enhance what they were born with(out).

For those who want to change their ass size/shape, or hips, or waist, or god knows what else they make these torture garments for: do a god damn squat, or lunge, or run, or jump, or plank, or bridge, or any form of exercise. Because looking good in clothing will only take you so far...

Gawk at our deranged world here:
http://www.lovemybubbles.com/shopBB.shtml

Oh, also, "love my bubbles"? PLEASE. If any of these people really loved their "bubbles" or bodies, they would not be shopping on this site.

Sex with your iPhone...

Cleverly named with its double entendre (more apt than Cupidtino at least) and a pretty good solution/alternative to carrying one in your pocket/wallet (heat and friction are bad, thank you eighth grade sex-ed).

This iPhone case doubles as a stash spot for your nightly protection.

"It’s [an] ultra-slim leather textured case with a hidden compartment for a condom."

Posh. Practical. It's protects your beloved phone, and your beloved, ahem, other parts as well.

Get one and then jump on Cupidtino to find other Apple devotees to test/show off to.

http://www.yankodesign.com/2011/04/15/iphone-case-fight-for-safe-sex/

Dog Bone(r) Paper Clips

Dog Bone Paper Clips.

Cute. Cutesy. Kitschy. Hilarious?

Yes. Hilarious.

At first glace they seem innocent enough, but once put to use they are so so much more brilliant. This is perhaps the best prank anyone has ever been so clever to invent, and I can only hope it was on purpose.

To buy some for your friends, family, and colleagues, click below:

http://catchingfireflies.com/products/dog-bone-paperclips.html

http://www.borders.com/online/store/TitleDetail?sku=871097009654

The fact that borders is selling them just seems like an added bonus.

Hella Hotels and B&Bs

Hella, Iceland. It exists.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hella,_Iceland

I got an email with the tag line:

Read Hella reviews for Hotels and B&Bs.

Oh the fun I'd have if I worked for the tourism board.
I might even have Hella Fun doing it.

Ok, I know, that was bad.

Unicorns and Double Rainbows. For Sale.

I don't pay close attention to my junk email account, but every so often I go in there to weed through the things that need to be filed and the things that can be trashed. I was torn as to what I should do with this next one...

Unicorns and double rainbows with stars at sunset. On the beach.

Ok clever marketing execs, it worked, I'm intrigued.

I googled "Con Nuri Eleganza" to try to decipher where it is, but the only result that came up was for the very ad I was sent.

http://www.sniqueaway.com/con-nuri/

"Complimentary unicorn rentals complement hourly double rainbows"

First thought: Double Rainbows! But what does it mean?

Second thought: Since unicorns aren't real, this is clearly a joke. I search for more evidence and find:

Pack your bags now if you love…
Things that are shiny.

SOME REMINDERS
The elevator bears are not tame; be sure to heed the signs.

Ahh-menities
Dante's Inferno 24-hour exercise facility, complete with steam room
Gold, lots and lots of gold
Complimentary unicorn rentals
Jousting lessons
Evening s'mores by dragon firelight
Monkey butlers

Policies
Offer includes the All Inclusive Plan: All meals, beverages, compliments from attractive staff members, flip-flops for use on the pool deck, flip-flops to get to the flip-flops on the pool deck, nonaquatic watersports and shuttle service are included.
Rates quoted are for up to 2 people. Additional guests are welcome to sleep in the hall.
Attire at the property is business casual in the pool area. Tattoos must be visible at all times in each dining establishment.
Smoking is only permitted for guests who are on fire. A dousing fee may apply.
Reservations are highly recommended for things you actually want to do.

I do happen to love unicorns, shiny things, s'mores and flip-flops, so I opted to save it.

Turns out it was sent on April 1st (I went back and checked the date). It would likely be the coolest place ever, if it existed. Or does it?

Mexican Jumping Beans

Ok, he's Polish.
And he's actually tumbling, not so much jumping.
Regardless, it's amazing.
Out there, somewhere, is a floor that can enable me to do quadruple back flips. Well, not me, him.
I really want to go play on that floor. I wonder how badly I'd injure myself.

Team Ghost Riders

Team Ghost Riders.
It SOUNDS like some ridiculous rap group. It SOUNDS like a terrible western movie.

Want to know what it doesn't sound like?
It doesn't sound like monkeys riding border collies herding big horned sheep.

But it is. It absolutely is.

Honestly, I think I'm gonna start saving today so I can hire this guy for my next birthday.

It's monkeys, dressed as cowboys, riding dogs, herding animals at least ten times their size, with horns. I'm sorry, I just can't get over that this exists.

The website for Team Ghost Riders is:

http://teamghostriders.com/index.html

When you load it, the center star says: COMEDY! and then shows a picture that apparently represents comedy. I mean, really, the whole existence is comedy, but whatever. Then it reads: ACTION! and shows a picture that is definitely not "action". Then it reads: FUN! and shows the image seen in the above screen capture. Unless that is Santa working his summer job, that belly is not fun. Running out of descriptive words it then says: MORE ACTION!

Someone is making a very good living doing this. I am going to quit my job tomorrow.

Death Neck(lace)

I remember when I first saw the "lucky rabbits foot" trend take off in my youth. Even then I wondered, "Are those real?!" For some reason I just couldn't get behind the idea of rubbing the chopped off appendage of a dead bunny, or worse yet, some poor now three-footed rabbit half-hopping along out there (and predictably named "Tripod" or "Lucky" ha, ok, that last one is a bit ironic). I believe I was told they were not real. I'm gonna refrain from googling that to see if it's true or not.

Well, here's the updated version:

The chopped off appendage of a dead wildcat. Guaranteed real. To wear around your neck.



"Real wildcat paw strung on a choker length strand of chrome ballchain (16") The paw measures 2" in length and the fur has been neatly sewn closed on the top where it connects to the chain (not just lopped off, so no exposed bone or tissue). It has been prepared with modern taxidermy chemicals and will remain preserved indefinitely if cared for properly."

Thank god she clarified that it's "not just lopped off" with bone and tissue exposed. TO WEAR AROUND YOUR NECK.

Also, maybe it's the organic Oregon hippy in me, but any "modern taxidermy chemicals" that can prevent animal flesh from rotting or decaying "indefinitely" don't seem like things I want rubbing on my skin, or Around. My. Neck.

And just in case I wasn't scared enough from all that, she throws this little tidbit in:

"I have been creating shrines, fetishes, and totems from animal remains for over 20 years."

I bet you have.

The science nerd in me would like to point out that humans are technically classified in the animal kingdom. Just saying. She exists, and so do her creepy dead feet necklaces.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/59129405/black-wild-cat-paw-talisman-real-animal

Quick Draw McDrunk

The Beer Holster.

One part ridiculous. One part ridiculously awesome.

"Made of rugged leather, it snaps onto any standard belt and the adjustable nylon strap wraps around the thigh for additional support. A fun accessory for parties and tailgates, it also makes a convenient holder when he needs his hands free for grill duty."

They really had me with the "rugged leather" bit, but then they totally negated that with the "fun accessory" part.

It does look perfect for a game of washers (or bocce, or cornhole, or horseshoes). Just add friends and sunshine.

http://gifts.redenvelope.com/gifts/beer-holster-30002961?viewpos=2&trackingpgroup=rfmfv&Ref=HomeNoRef

The Governator... just won't leave.

This is a real cartoon that is being made. I kept trying to ignore it, in hopes it would go away, but alas, it seems that comic book legend Stan Lee is absolutely determined to ruin his reputation and all he's worked to build up to this point.

After reassuring the crowd at the Cannes Film Festival that is was indeed NOT an April Fool's joke, The Governator went on to say this:

"First will come comic books, then a TV series and after that we will develop the (video) games and then a movie. Maybe then we'll be back in Cannes for that."

Doubtful.

Down in Mississippi, Up to No Good

"We asked voters on this poll whether they think interracial marriage should be legal or illegal- 46% of Mississippi Republicans said it should be illegal..."

This was posted today. TODAY. This is CURRENT news. 46%. Forty-Six Percent.

Honestly, I'm shocked, but not for the reason you probably think. I'm shocked because I didn't even think interracial marriage was an issue we were discussing. I kinda thought that debate option had been taken off the table years ago. I mean, how did they even think to ask that question? My west coast naivety had me thinking that Gay Marriage was the issue. How ignorant/progressive of me.

Those people exist. Scary.

http://publicpolicypolling.blogspot.com/2011/04/barbour-bryant-lead-in-mississippi.html

I Heart AppleMatch.com

http://cupidtino.com/

This is scary. Like really really scary. And I like Apple. I love Macs. However, I do not need to add which platform he prefers to my "datable check list", unless we're talking about politics.

http://techcrunch.com/2010/05/04/oh-god-no-a-dating-site-for-apple-fans/

Convenient Salvation...

"Whether in a church with 30 people or in a stadium with 30,000, we are never more in touch with our Lord than when we celebrate Holy Communion. It is a practice too profound to alter. Too precious to change."

AND YET... they are selling this:

http://www.booksofthebible.com/p70.html

For the low price of $24.95 you get 100 prepackaged servings of Holy Communion.

Maybe it's just me, but... it loses a bit of it's sacredness when it's delivered in this nice little disposable (because we don't have enough excessive packaging/garbage on this planet as it is) all-in-one-on-the-go "Celebration Cup".

Perhaps soon they'll be available in vending machines, which we can then place in bars, right next to the condom dispensers.

I wonder what they'd charge for a single serving of salvation to go?

Baby Toupee

A picture is worth a thousand words.....

I don't know what is worse, the word toupee associated with babies, or these pictures.

If you haven't had enough with this picture, you can visit their website:

http://www.babytoupee.com/

Hawaii Chair while you answer phones...?

The Hawaii Chair... The Original Hula Chair... I don't really care what you call it. It holds up to 300 lbs. It costs nearly $300. It "takes the work out of my workout". It's ridiculous.

"If you can sit, you can get fit."
If you buy this, you deserve what you get.


http://www.ib3health.com/products/BodySlimMassager/HulaChair.shtml

The Youth of America (on top of Everest)

A 13 yr old (Jordan Romero) reached the top of Mt Everest in 2010. This left him with one mountain left to have conquered the highest peaks on all seven continents. He's the youngest to do this (any and all of it).
He exists. He is awesome.
This is also a bit concerning as to what might happen in the future. How young is too young?


http://www.jordanromero.com/


http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/05/22/world/main6508878.shtml

Boarmate, by DuPont

Boarmate® is an aerosol spray containing synthetically produced 'boar odour' (5[alpha]-androst-16-en-3-one).

Boarmate® is very cost effective. If one application in 100 prevents a missed or wasted service then Boarmate® has paid for itself.
ONE MISSED HEAT costs at least 21 days extra feed and lost production.

God forbid we feed our livestock for any more days than we have to!

http://www2.dupont.com/DAHS_EMEA/en_GB/products/spec_prod/boarmate.html

iDump4u

This goes along with my manthefup.com rant on life...

http://idump4u.com/

Don't worry, it's not another twogirlsonecup scenario.
"iDUMP4U takes the messiness out of any breakup."

I'm not sure how hiring a company from the internet to dump your significant other for you REMOVES messiness from the equation, but with prices starting as cheap as $10 for a "Basic Breakup" I'm sure many of the world's idiots will be willing to find out.

What goes beyond the basic?
$25 For an Engagement Breakup
$50 for a Divorce Call

Seriously people?!

Oh, and get this, they record the phone call for you, so you can hear how it all went down. AND THEN, they post it on YouTube.

This Kid Exists

Birke is 11.
Birke is AWESOME.
I <3 this kid so hard.

http://www.ted.com/talks/birke_baehr_what_s_wrong_with_our_food_system.html

Snazzy Napper

Alright, the Snuggie was one thing. But what is this ridiculousness? This is not an April Fools joke, this thing is for real. The nose hole is where I draw the line.

perPETuate

"There is almost no fee that would be too much to ensure the possibiity of replacing your beloved pet with a twin sometime in the future."

Luckily they said ALMOST... because there is a fee that would be too much, $1200 (for the first year). Oh, and by "twin" they mean clone.

http://www.perpetuate.net/


PERPETUATE accepts checks, credit cards, money orders, international bank drafts, and wire transfers.
And first born children, kidneys and other black market organs, sperm, slave labor, an arm or a leg, and illegal drugs as forms of payment.

Play

Sometimes the stupidity of the world leaves me in disbelief.

This is not one of those times.

Amazing. Really, REALLY amazing.

Slimming

There are no words for this.
I was driving this morning and on the radio I hear them talking about "slimming", the new fad with teens these days. It's the new way to get drunk...fast and hard. So, ok fine. Then I hear them mention tampons and soaking them in Vodka. Hmmm, i'm thinking this is nasty. Who wants to suck alcohol out of a tampon??!!! Nope, that is not what they are doing. These tampons are going right where they were designed to go, right after they are drenched with an alcohol of choice???!!! And for the boys, well........

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=slimming

This has so many things wrong with it.



oh yeah and then there's the anal beer bong......

Swamp People.

These people are really out there. Really.

http://www.history.com/shows/swamp-people

Season 2 premieres tonight. Convenient eh?

Wait, I thought you said Bio Engineering?

Glow in the dark monkeys, and beefalo and ligers, Oh My...

http://www.ted.com/talks/paul_root_wolpe_it_s_time_to_question_bio_engineering.html

Bronze Ezee

"...and it colors the skin a beautiful natural-looking golden-copper tan when taken orally."
Riiight...

http://www.gibraltarproducts.com/bronze-ezee-canthaxanthin.htm

The things popular in the world of body building and figure competitions never fail to amaze me.
I think I'll just eat carrots.